So this morning, when I woke up, my first thought? YAY! It's the end of term! I was ecstatic until I rembered that I needed to write out my English essay - what a good idea, I managed to pick the longest one. But no worries, I could do it on the bus, problem solved.
Wrong.
It never occured to me how many flipping country roads my bus actually goes along and country roads = bumps, potholes and ditches. : Damn it. But still I managed it eventually by, erm, not paying attention in house singing... *awkward cough* ... and lying to my english teacher...
But that's not the point. It was while I was doing it that the wave of realisation hit me. We have GCSE's in about two months. Less than that, I have three weeks to prepare for two orals, the absolute bane of my life. Even less than that, I'll be sixteen in just a week and for me that means responsibility, maturity and knowing what the hell I'm going to do with my life. Like I can decide that by next Friday.
And now begins the parental nagging to "make your revision plan", "stop being lazy, revise" and, in the case of my mother, "do some fucking revision!"
Woo. Hoo.
:|
Friday 26 March 2010
Monday 22 March 2010
#Drama...
Oh. My. Gosh.
That really is all I can say about today. The hysterics over nothing, followed by the attempts at being depressed, all the time worrying about where props were, how we were going to do make up and general what-not.
For all the fun we have in drama it's foooookin scary when we have to go out and perform. Wait, no, scratch that. It's scary before. When you have to wait backstage for the applause that means you're next. That's when the butterflies are going like crazy. Then you're up on stage and everything just flies by - somehow you remember what you're supposed to be doing, where you're going, what to say.
Obviously things go wrong. Like tech stuff.....*grr* but even then you're still running on adrenaline and everything seems to fall into place.
Yes, we had a drama exam today. A moderated one at that. For our GCSEs. Now it's over, I want to go back and do it all again. All of it. I hate the pre-performance panic but the nerves actually help because they stop you from over-thinking while you're doing it.
But yeah, all of it gave me such good memories. Devising, "practicing", performing, watching, teching - everything about it makes me more and more certain that I will never ever stop doing drama. Somehow, one way or another, I want to be in a theatre, working, performing, watching, I don't care but the whole atmosphere - I just fall in love with it.
Our group - well, I think it's fair to say our piece was not what you'd call normal - but it was amazing. It worked, and what's more my reliable source said it worked well. ^_^ YAY. I actually love you guys so much for filling the past three months with the most fun drama lessons I've ever had.
And god, everyone else who performed - you were immense. It's so nice just to sit and watch my closest friends get up and show off their amazing acting skills and then be able to watch more good friends do the same thing and more and more...
This whole day, despite all the stresses about dying friends and tomatoes, has truly been one of the best days of my life.
And I wanted to say - thanks guys :) only you could make it that great.
<3
That really is all I can say about today. The hysterics over nothing, followed by the attempts at being depressed, all the time worrying about where props were, how we were going to do make up and general what-not.
For all the fun we have in drama it's foooookin scary when we have to go out and perform. Wait, no, scratch that. It's scary before. When you have to wait backstage for the applause that means you're next. That's when the butterflies are going like crazy. Then you're up on stage and everything just flies by - somehow you remember what you're supposed to be doing, where you're going, what to say.
Obviously things go wrong. Like tech stuff.....*grr* but even then you're still running on adrenaline and everything seems to fall into place.
Yes, we had a drama exam today. A moderated one at that. For our GCSEs. Now it's over, I want to go back and do it all again. All of it. I hate the pre-performance panic but the nerves actually help because they stop you from over-thinking while you're doing it.
But yeah, all of it gave me such good memories. Devising, "practicing", performing, watching, teching - everything about it makes me more and more certain that I will never ever stop doing drama. Somehow, one way or another, I want to be in a theatre, working, performing, watching, I don't care but the whole atmosphere - I just fall in love with it.
Our group - well, I think it's fair to say our piece was not what you'd call normal - but it was amazing. It worked, and what's more my reliable source said it worked well. ^_^ YAY. I actually love you guys so much for filling the past three months with the most fun drama lessons I've ever had.
And god, everyone else who performed - you were immense. It's so nice just to sit and watch my closest friends get up and show off their amazing acting skills and then be able to watch more good friends do the same thing and more and more...
This whole day, despite all the stresses about dying friends and tomatoes, has truly been one of the best days of my life.
And I wanted to say - thanks guys :) only you could make it that great.
<3
Sunday 21 March 2010
~Fact~
Everyone lies.
I guess it's just part of being human.
I don't really mind when people lie.
If I can't tell then obviously I have no problem with it.
But I lie quite a lot so I know when other people are.
There's certain....twitches....people have.
They're uncomfortable.
Why?
Because they're not telling the truth.
I don't press it.
There's a reason they're lying.
If they want to, they'll tell me.
If not, well, why should I force them into admitting something they're trying to hide?
You might think that's uncaring. A good friend would want to know.
Would they?
Or would the good friend wait until they were ready to say?
I don't know.
But anyway.
Like I said, I know when people lie.
Especially my parents.
After all, my twitch had to come from somewhere. I can recognise it in them.
That's why it hurts so much when my mum lies to me.
Most of the time, she's one of my best friends.
I don't care if that sounds gay. It's true.
So when she can't trust me.... all I can think of is why?
What did I do wrong?
And if my mum can't trust me, can anybody?
Can anyone trust anyone, if everyone lies?
I guess it's just part of being human.
I don't really mind when people lie.
If I can't tell then obviously I have no problem with it.
But I lie quite a lot so I know when other people are.
There's certain....twitches....people have.
They're uncomfortable.
Why?
Because they're not telling the truth.
I don't press it.
There's a reason they're lying.
If they want to, they'll tell me.
If not, well, why should I force them into admitting something they're trying to hide?
You might think that's uncaring. A good friend would want to know.
Would they?
Or would the good friend wait until they were ready to say?
I don't know.
But anyway.
Like I said, I know when people lie.
Especially my parents.
After all, my twitch had to come from somewhere. I can recognise it in them.
That's why it hurts so much when my mum lies to me.
Most of the time, she's one of my best friends.
I don't care if that sounds gay. It's true.
So when she can't trust me.... all I can think of is why?
What did I do wrong?
And if my mum can't trust me, can anybody?
Can anyone trust anyone, if everyone lies?
Tuesday 16 March 2010
~Libraries~
I'm finally past the big one-zero of posts!
*yayy* ^_^
Anyway, moment over.
So, I was in the library the other day and I just realised how peaceful they actually are. I mean, sure, if you're with friends trying to have a laugh and you get shushed at by some old man with horn-rimmed glasses it can be just slightly annoying.
But go in on your own and the quietness makes it calm - you're in a good mood and it's just nice and calm, you're in a bad mood and it's so peaceful you can take time to think and reflect in a space where no-one's going to judge you.
No-one's going to laugh at you, or do stupid things to try and cheer you up.
And it's an escape.
Ina lirary you can take on any personality you want just through opening a book. The old ones are the best, right at the back of the shelves, covered in dust with cracked bindings - the smell of the pages, the feel of them in your hands as you gently turn them over.
What's more, it's always sunny when you go to the library. Even if it's raining there's a patch of sunlight somewhere and as it shines through the window you can see the swirling motes of dust in the air, and it's beautiful.
Gosh, how I love the library.
*yayy* ^_^
Anyway, moment over.
So, I was in the library the other day and I just realised how peaceful they actually are. I mean, sure, if you're with friends trying to have a laugh and you get shushed at by some old man with horn-rimmed glasses it can be just slightly annoying.
But go in on your own and the quietness makes it calm - you're in a good mood and it's just nice and calm, you're in a bad mood and it's so peaceful you can take time to think and reflect in a space where no-one's going to judge you.
No-one's going to laugh at you, or do stupid things to try and cheer you up.
And it's an escape.
Ina lirary you can take on any personality you want just through opening a book. The old ones are the best, right at the back of the shelves, covered in dust with cracked bindings - the smell of the pages, the feel of them in your hands as you gently turn them over.
What's more, it's always sunny when you go to the library. Even if it's raining there's a patch of sunlight somewhere and as it shines through the window you can see the swirling motes of dust in the air, and it's beautiful.
Gosh, how I love the library.
Saturday 13 March 2010
~Hurricane~
When the forces of nature crash together it results in a phenomenon, both beautiful and deadly. And so in life when everything comes hurtling together it creates the beautiful chaos we live through each day. The chaos that can lead us to despair.
But as in hurricanes there is an eye, at the centre a spot of calm that brings us relief. Every so often a moment comes along when there is nothing to do, nothing to worry about, nothing that needs to be acheived. And at that point it is a moment of pure bliss, of relaxation.
All too soon we are hurled back into the storm where we must once again fend for ourselves in order to keep from falling and being lost. But even when we are in the whirling confusion there is still the joy of friendship, staying together and holding each other aloft, staying strong.
So even though at this moment I am unbelievably peaceful I know that all too soon I will be back in the mad swirl of life. And the thought no longer worries me as much as it did because I'm ready and I know what to expect.
If we know what is coming, even if we don't like it, things suddenly become much simpler. It might be hard at the time, dealing and working around the difficulties you face, but by being prepared for things going wrong life isn't nearly as hard as it used to be.
But as in hurricanes there is an eye, at the centre a spot of calm that brings us relief. Every so often a moment comes along when there is nothing to do, nothing to worry about, nothing that needs to be acheived. And at that point it is a moment of pure bliss, of relaxation.
All too soon we are hurled back into the storm where we must once again fend for ourselves in order to keep from falling and being lost. But even when we are in the whirling confusion there is still the joy of friendship, staying together and holding each other aloft, staying strong.
So even though at this moment I am unbelievably peaceful I know that all too soon I will be back in the mad swirl of life. And the thought no longer worries me as much as it did because I'm ready and I know what to expect.
If we know what is coming, even if we don't like it, things suddenly become much simpler. It might be hard at the time, dealing and working around the difficulties you face, but by being prepared for things going wrong life isn't nearly as hard as it used to be.
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