Things don't always come out quite as you expect.

The Ones Providing The Loving.

Monday, 25 January 2010

#I'm just scared...

Quite honestly, I had one of the most terrifying experiencs of my life during this past week. And it wasn't even anything exciting like nearly getting run over or falling off a cliff or something. Basically, I was talking to someone about my future and instead of asking me pretty typical questions like what I wanted to do with my life, they pretty much pyscho-analysed me. For anyone else, that might seem kind of intriguing - how do you appear to the people around you? For me, I would rather be killed a thousand times over than have to sit and listen while someone described how they saw me and what they thought I was actually like. The worst part was, this person could see through all the layers I'd tried to build up over the years and told me things about myself that I'd forgotten or had never been able to reveal to anyone else. And what scared the crap out of me was that I realised then that I had hidden myself so deeply inside that I didn't know who I was anymore. I'd locked everything that had made me 'me' away for so long that I couldn't see it anymore. And it's been so long since I've been able to open up comfortably with anybody, I don't know how to do it. I physically find it impossible to talk to anyone about the real me. The only times I feel truly able to talk are when I'm writing - poems, prose, or just when I write to remind myself how I felt. And I don't want to live like that but it's been so long that I don't know any better.


  1. Yeah who was it? And don't worry, we all hide. Well, most people do. I do. I find it hard too. You're not alone. <3

  2. I get you so well, i think we all hide somehow, but really its ok. You don't have to decide who you are right now, just be you and through time you'll learn about yourself. x