I don't know what I want anymore.
All I see inside is black and empty and ... nothing.

You wanna know a secret?
Sometimes I get really fucking sick of being treated as the stupid infantile one. And I get so fucking angry and then - I don't do anything and it disgusts me that I can't tell people to leave me the fuck alone once in a while.

Just, try to understand that I know a lot more than you expect me to.

The Seed

So, three months ago I had no idea if I would actually enjoy performing, or if I just liked the idea.
Now it's all I can think about.
But... I don't know what to do with it.
And it feels like I've been given this seed to plant and nurture and help grow into something amazing - but I'm pouring weed killer on it instead of water.