I...don't think... I belong anymore.

I don't know what I want anymore.
All I see inside is black and empty and ... nothing.

You wanna know a secret?
Sometimes I get really fucking sick of being treated as the stupid infantile one. And I get so fucking angry and then - I don't do anything and it disgusts me that I can't tell people to leave me the fuck alone once in a while.

Just, try to understand that I know a lot more than you expect me to.

The Seed

So, three months ago I had no idea if I would actually enjoy performing, or if I just liked the idea.
Now it's all I can think about.
But... I don't know what to do with it.
And it feels like I've been given this seed to plant and nurture and help grow into something amazing - but I'm pouring weed killer on it instead of water.

So it's 2011.

Big change?  New start?

Why is it that at the beginning of every year we set ourselves up for disappointment by promising that this year will be better than the last.  We cannot control everything that happens around us and there will always be something that makes this year one of the following: crappy, shit, awful, the worst year of my life. 

So this is a fresh start - it's a fresh year that I won't compare to 2010. At all.  New beginnings and all that shidazzle.  Not a new me, not a big lifechange, just another year to ride out and see where it takes us.

One thing does need to change though because my typing skills are appalling.

Welcome to 2011 guys :) Good luck.
<3

~Music~

It fascinates me how music can bring out certain moods.
It can make you cry.
It can make you laugh.
It can make you want to sing or hum as loud as you can just to feel the joy of expression.
It can do so many things and what is it really?
A bunch of notes and words that combine to somehow form a melody.  Something so simple affects us in such a huge way. Why are human emotions so influencable? *Is that even a word?*

Sometimes, I hate how quickly emotions can be changed by something so... I can't think of the word but it's like an elephant being dented by a fly landing on its head.  That sounds weird but I know what I mean.

#Read between the lines

And thus it was. A fourth age of middle-earth began. And the fellowship of the ring... though eternally bound by friendship and love... was ended. Thirteen months to the day since Gandalf sent us on our long journey... we found ourselves looking upon a familiar sight. We were home. How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold. Bilbo once told me his part in this tale would end... that each of us must come and go in the telling. Bilbo's story was now over. There would be no more journeys for him... save one. My dear Sam. You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on.